How to Be Happy: A Conscious Choice for a Fulfilling Life
By: Courtney G. Clifford
Happiness is one of the most sought-after experiences in human life. It is written about in books, sung about in songs, and pursued in countless ways across cultures and generations. Yet despite its universal appeal, happiness often feels elusive or fleeting. Why?
The answer lies partly in a misunderstanding of what happiness is and how it works. Contrary to popular belief, happiness is not a passive state that happens to us when everything falls into place. Nor is it something external we can acquire like money or possessions. Throughout my life, I learned firsthand happiness, at its core, is a choice—one that we can cultivate through self-awareness, intentional action, and meaningful connection.
Happiness Is a Feeling, Not an Emotion
To understand how happiness works, we must first understand what it is—and what it is not. Happiness is often mistaken for an emotion like joy or excitement, but it's actually a feeling. What’s the difference?
Emotions are automatic, physiological responses to stimuli. They are immediate and reactive—anger when we’re wronged, fear when we’re threatened, sadness when we lose. Feelings, on the other hand, are the interpretations of these emotions filtered through our thoughts, beliefs, and awareness. Feelings are more enduring and complex.
Happiness is one of these deeper feelings. It is shaped by our mindset and perceptions. That’s why two people can experience the same situation—say, a rainy day—and one may feel content and peaceful, while the other feels irritated or down. The external stimulus is the same, but their inner processing differs.
Feelings Follow Actions
Here’s the good news: because feelings are shaped by thoughts and behaviors, they are within our influence. This is where the principle of “feelings follow actions” comes into play.
You don’t have to wait to feel happy before doing something that a happy person would do. In fact, it works the other way around. Taking action—especially in alignment with your values—can lead to feelings of happiness. This is a foundational concept in behavioral psychology and is supported by a large body of research. For example, positive psychology emphasizes intentional behaviors like practicing gratitude, engaging in acts of kindness, or savoring small pleasures as ways to increase subjective well-being (Seligman, 2011).
Want to feel more connected? Call a friend. Want to feel purposeful? Volunteer or help someone. The action comes first; the feeling follows. Personally, this was a huge life lesson for me when I experienced very challenging circumstances that felt the opposite of happy. I was determined to have a happy life though, so learned, made choices, and took actions the led to truly feeling happy, regardless of circumstances. Did I feel happy every moment of the day? No. However, I did feel happy the majority of the time, mainly after I took the action steps to foster the feeling.
The Role of Metacognition in Happiness
The human brain is a remarkable organ. It processes sensory input, assesses threats, and generates responses in fractions of a second. But this speed can be a double-edged sword. Our brains are wired to notice problems, scan for danger, and protect us from harm, which is useful for survival, but not always conducive to happiness.
This is where metacognition (thinking about your thinking) becomes crucial.
Metacognition allows us to observe our thoughts and feelings with a degree of separation. It’s the mental habit of saying, “I notice that I’m feeling anxious,” rather than simply reacting with anxiety. This awareness creates a gap between stimulus and response—a space in which choice becomes possible.
Developing metacognitive awareness helps us manage our feelings rather than be managed by them. It allows us to choose curiosity over judgment, reflection over reaction. And in doing so, it gives us the power to choose happiness, even in difficult circumstances.
Mindfulness practices, such as meditation or journaling, are powerful tools for developing metacognition. They train the mind to pause, reflect, and respond intentionally rather than automatically.
Choosing Happiness Through Purpose
While happiness can be chosen, it does not occur in a vacuum. One of the most powerful predictors of sustained happiness is having a sense of purpose. Purpose gives our actions meaning. It turns daily routines into contributions and transforms struggles into opportunities for growth.
Purpose doesn’t have to be extreme or world-changing. It can be as simple as caring for your family, creating art, or helping others in meaningful ways. What matters is that it feels significant and fulfilling to you.
Research shows people with a strong sense of purpose tend to experience greater well-being, resilience, and even longevity (Hill & Turiano, 2014). They are more likely to persevere through hardship and maintain a positive outlook during life’s inevitable ups and downs.
So if you’re looking to boost your happiness, ask yourself: What gives my life meaning? Then, take small daily actions in alignment with that purpose.
The Importance of Enjoying What You Do
Closely related to purpose is enjoyment. Life is meant to be lived, not just endured. Engaging in activities that bring pleasure, creativity, and fulfillment enhances happiness in a direct and tangible way.
This doesn’t mean we need to chase constant pleasure or avoid difficulty. In fact, some of the most rewarding experiences in life involve effort, discipline, and even discomfort—think of learning a skill, raising a child, or training for a marathon. These activities may not always feel good in the moment, but they bring deep satisfaction over time.
What’s key is to make space for what lights you up. That might mean carving out time for a hobby, prioritizing relationships, or finding moments of beauty and joy in the ordinary. The brain responds positively to novelty, engagement, and flow; all of which can increase our sense of well-being (Csikszentmihalyi, 1990).
Presence: The Power of Now
One of the greatest thieves of happiness is distraction. In our hyper-connected world, it's easy to be physically present, but mentally elsewhere such as checking emails at dinner, scrolling through social media while half-listening to a friend.
True happiness requires presence: being here, now. When we’re present, we fully experience life as it unfolds. We notice the warmth of the sun, the sound of laughter, the comfort of being with loved ones. These small, beautiful moments often go unnoticed unless we slow down enough to feel them.
Being present also improves relationships, which are a cornerstone of happiness. Studies consistently show that quality relationships are among the most important factors in life satisfaction (Harvard Study of Adult Development, 2017). The more we invest in being truly present with others—listening, connecting, sharing—the more joy and connection we feel in return.
Spirituality: Looking Beyond the Self
Another powerful contributor to happiness is spirituality. This doesn't necessarily mean religion (though it can); rather, it refers to a sense of connection to something greater than oneself—be it God, the universe, nature, or a sense of collective humanity.
Spirituality helps us “zoom out” from our narrow focus on personal problems and see the bigger picture. It fosters humility, gratitude, and a sense of belonging in a mysterious and vast universe. It also provides comfort and perspective in times of suffering.
Research shows that individuals who engage in spiritual or religious practices tend to report higher levels of happiness, life satisfaction, and meaning (Diener, Tay, & Myers, 2011). Practices like prayer, meditation, or attending spiritual gatherings can offer both solace and inspiration.
Spirituality also reinforces the idea that happiness isn’t just about the self—it’s about connection, contribution, and transcendence.
Putting It All Together
So how do we put these ideas into practice? Here are a few guiding principles:
Remember that happiness is a choice. While we can’t control everything, we can choose how we respond, what we focus on, and what actions we take.
Act your way into feeling. Don’t wait to feel good—do good. Acts of kindness, gratitude, and alignment with your values will eventually shift your emotional landscape.
Practice metacognition. Become a student of your own mind. Learn to pause, reflect, and redirect your thoughts when they go astray.
Find your purpose. Ask yourself what matters to you and find ways—big or small—to live that purpose daily.
Enjoy the process. Make time for what brings you joy and fulfillment. Life isn’t just about achieving; it’s also about savoring.
Be here now. Give your attention to the present moment and to the people in it. Presence turns the ordinary into the sacred.
Nurture your spirit. Connect with something bigger than yourself to find meaning, peace, and perspective.
Happiness isn’t something you wait for. It’s something you create—day by day, thought by thought, choice by choice. Happiness is always available. Happiness is up to you and only you.
References
Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990). Flow: The psychology of optimal experience. Harper & Row.
Diener, E., Tay, L., & Myers, D. G. (2011). The religion paradox: If religion makes people happy, why are so many dropping out? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 101(6), 1278–1290.
Hill, P. L., & Turiano, N. A. (2014). Purpose in life as a predictor of mortality across adulthood. Psychological Science, 25(7), 1482–1486.
Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being. Free Press.
